Perfect chapter at the perfect time! I believe that for the last week I have been ranting about how exhausted I have been, on the run, unable to take a breath and clear my head. Now while I was outwardly complaining, on the inside my ego kept saying “you’re not exhausted you’re 23, a runner, a yogi a traveler a hard worker…you better not be tired or confused, just keep going” but not in an encouraging way, in an army commander sort of way. I have been reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance as well and at one point he argues that the more we push for the something, the more desperate we are to prove its truth to the world, the less we are convinced of it on the inside. I’m quite sure that is what I have been going through. My need to prove to the world that I could handle living in Palestine, that I am an athlete, a hard worker, super energetic…has lead me to ignore, no worse, deny, what I have been feeling. Tired, angry, frustrated, confused, withdrawn, un-confident, annoyed, tense, guilt…while I feel them I do not want to feel the. Instead of  doing the healthy thing and accepting it, I reject them and that must cause the poison she talks about all the time.

So here is my vow that I will just accept how I’ve been feeling and we’ll see where that takes me…